Wednesday, 25 March 2009

Honeymoon Over

Trader A: Your bid for Phili19s please?
Trader B: Market is 100-100.5, I make 99-100
Trader A: Hit you thr, 10mm

5min later
Trader A: what market now?
Trader B: 98-99
Trader A: Hit you thr, another 10mm

15min later
Trader A: now?
Trader B: fkk you, 90-100 .I.
Trader A: Hit again 10mm
Trader B: (knows that he is done for the month, balance sheet, pnl, he is royally raped)

Mayur: (talking to the broker) i am not in correlation trading any more dude...have moved to something internally, a non business risk function
Broker: Ah, you hit too. Sad. Anyone left apart from the king of kings, trader of traders, the might Maad?
Mayur: Not that i am aware of. Anwyays gotta run, some random call with management

Call: Mack the knife declaring 60% associates need to go + salary going to get cut by 30%
Mayur: urghhhh, wtf! Need to get the fkking rent tax deductible. Rather get the rent reduced itself.

D and K: D is moving over to london Mayur, so you know what that means right?
Mayur: yeah...
D and K: you are basically the guy now for Asia and Japan. consider urself the head of correl trading Asia ex Japan ex CDO ex FTD ex Correl products
Mayur: what the hell is left :) anwyays i knwo what it means, it means i do all the work and you will take all credit. it means i do all shit sweeping and you don't get to even smell it!

Mayur: offer plz, 10mm indo
Trader B: 345 for only 5mm
Mayur: you wusssss...i buy thr
Mayur to sales: all indo cds mine for 5mm...lifts 4 more dealers
Mayur: bid for 5mm indo...or 2mm is ur size now (smug...proud...unaware...ignorant...about to fall!)
Trader B: 365...can do 20mm (smug...proud...unaware...ignorant...already has fallen)
Mayur: done!

Mayur: I am not going to even consider this bullsh^t piece of paper till you give me associate + a joining bonus
D : are u out of ur freaking mind?
Mayur: let's talk to your boss, either you don't get paid urself or you have no clue how this works
D: fine, let's talk...ok ...but...ok...done.
Mayur: walks in first day...suit...tie...ppl laughing their head off....whitest of the white shoed bank has no such dress code...traders all in tweeds, tods, shirts :)
D: (swinging his broken golf stick) welcome bro...start printing...we r counting on u...btw if i were you, i would lose that Tag Haeur too...would make you get paid less...atleast if i was ur boss, i wouldn't pay u. I need taxi drivers entering MS who want to work 24 hours for earning just $100 a day, not Tiger Woods or Brad Pitt dangling that much does it weigh?

Mayur: I just wanted to tell you that I am resigning today
Trader C: may i know why?
Mayur: (coz you suck) i got a better oppurtunity and i think i will add mre value thr and my skill set matches thr (coz you mofo, you ruined my life)
Trader C: anything we can do to match?
Mayur: you wish...I am joining MS so...
Trader C: hmmm gud house...anwyays all the will however will have to work out ur notice period
Mayur: nopes ways...i buy it out!!!
Mayur: walking out of the building, smsing r the man
D: yeah, lemme get my jacket...need to show i am heading into a is just 4!

Mayur: Bunniiieeeee you wanna see something
Bunniieeeee: sure, what...ahhhhh it is awesome man
Mayur: and it is pretty cheap
Bunnniieeee: ok, i will buy one too...
Tag Hauer has the record month in making...they have already sold the same piece 10 times this month and it still is just 20th day
Transferred money to india? much? ^*&&%$ i am luving this...did you see the Ice house street apartments? has to be atleast thr with a tub man!

IIMB cracks 70 slot 0 offers. GS, Lehman, ML, BNP, BankAm, Barclays were amongst the biggets banks on campus. Over 10 students got packages of over &**%&%. Students had multiple offers and it clearly feels that IIMB and Indian MBA students are entering into a honeymoon phase where they are all set to conquer the wall street :)


Thursday, 5 March 2009

Latest trends in HK

  • Men dressing in extremely tight trousers and women wearing sleeveless at work
  • Fitness mania, running daily...anything below 5km and you are considered lame
  • Men wanting to marry but women wanting to only fkk
  • Women stopping to coochiecoo every single dog they see on the street
  • Gay men leaving banking and entering fashion business and ramp walking (finally!!!)
  • 2 indians passing each other but keeping a straight face as if he was a born firang and doesn't care about seeing someone from familiar land
  • Pakistanis, Bangladeshis, Sri Lankans all trying to pass off as Indians...soon the freaking Chinese will try too... guhahaha
  • Wine more than normal conventional alcohol
  • Exchanging rings pre engagement and settling mark to market on gold price without actual settlement after break up
  • No pushup bras for women
  • Men wearing vests/tshirts under their shirts are branded as 'wife-beaters' after the extremely popular italians
  • Women still struggling to stay in control on seeing a pole and not dancing, men still not able to that :)
  • Being injured while playing a sport and having a bandage on your hand (masturbation is also included just for the people who are thinking that)
  • Predicting that recession will be over in 2010
  • Quintessentially hoping that you get a big bonus. Irrespective of what you get, on being asked, the answer is digital: zilch or 100k
  • No more swearing on mother sister it is the animal kingdom with suyar, kutta and absolutely latesht one being saanp ki poonch
Forgetting a few, no worries will update in a new post. Enjoy maadi.