Honeymoon Over

Trader A: Your bid for Phili19s please?
Trader B: Market is 100-100.5, I make 99-100
Trader A: Hit you thr, 10mm

5min later
Trader A: what market now?
Trader B: 98-99
Trader A: Hit you thr, another 10mm

15min later
Trader A: now?
Trader B: fkk you, 90-100 .I.
Trader A: Hit again 10mm
Trader B: (knows that he is done for the month, balance sheet, pnl, he is royally raped)

Mayur: (talking to the broker) i am not in correlation trading any more dude...have moved to something internally, a non business risk function
Broker: Ah, you hit too. Sad. Anyone left apart from the king of kings, trader of traders, the might Maad?
Mayur: Not that i am aware of. Anwyays gotta run, some random call with management

Call: Mack the knife declaring 60% associates need to go + salary going to get cut by 30%
Mayur: urghhhh, wtf! Need to get the fkking rent tax deductible. Rather get the rent reduced itself.


D and K: D is moving over to london Mayur, so you know what that means right?
Mayur: yeah...
D and K: you are basically the guy now for Asia and Japan. consider urself the head of correl trading Asia ex Japan ex CDO ex FTD ex Correl products
Mayur: what the hell is left :) anwyays i knwo what it means, it means i do all the work and you will take all credit. it means i do all shit sweeping and you don't get to even smell it!

Mayur: offer plz, 10mm indo
Trader B: 345 for only 5mm
Mayur: you wusssss...i buy thr
Mayur to sales: all indo cds mine for 5mm...lifts 4 more dealers
345...350...360...365...
Mayur: bid for 5mm indo...or 2mm is ur size now (smug...proud...unaware...ignorant...about to fall!)
Trader B: 365...can do 20mm (smug...proud...unaware...ignorant...already has fallen)
Mayur: done!


Mayur: I am not going to even consider this bullsh^t piece of paper till you give me associate + a joining bonus
D : are u out of ur freaking mind?
Mayur: let's talk to your boss, either you don't get paid urself or you have no clue how this works
D: fine, let's talk...ok ...but...ok...done.
Mayur: walks in first day...suit...tie...ppl laughing their head off....whitest of the white shoed bank has no such dress code...traders all in tweeds, tods, shirts :)
D: (swinging his broken golf stick) welcome bro...start printing...we r counting on u...btw if i were you, i would lose that Tag Haeur too...would make you get paid less...atleast if i was ur boss, i wouldn't pay u. I need taxi drivers entering MS who want to work 24 hours for earning just $100 a day, not Tiger Woods or Brad Pitt dangling that thing...how much does it weigh?


Mayur: I just wanted to tell you that I am resigning today
Trader C: may i know why?
Mayur: (coz you suck) i got a better oppurtunity and i think i will add mre value thr and my skill set matches thr (coz you suck...you mofo, you ruined my life)
Trader C: anything we can do to match?
Mayur: you wish...I am joining MS so...
Trader C: hmmm gud house...anwyays all the best...you will however will have to work out ur notice period
Mayur: nopes dude...no ways...i buy it out!!!
Mayur: walking out of the building, smsing D...you r the man D...beer?
D: yeah, lemme get my jacket...need to show i am heading into a meeting...it is just 4!


Mayur: Bunniiieeeee you wanna see something
Bunniieeeee: sure, what...ahhhhh it is awesome man
Mayur: and it is pretty cheap
Bunnniieeee: ok, i will buy one too...
Tag Hauer has the record month in making...they have already sold the same piece 10 times this month and it still is just 20th day
Transferred money to india? yeah...how much? ^*&&%$...man i am luving this...did you see the Ice house street apartments? has to be atleast thr with a tub man!


IIMB cracks 70 slot 0 offers. GS, Lehman, ML, BNP, BankAm, Barclays were amongst the biggets banks on campus. Over 10 students got packages of over &**%&%. Students had multiple offers and it clearly feels that IIMB and Indian MBA students are entering into a honeymoon phase where they are all set to conquer the wall street :)

MA

Latest trends in HK

• Men dressing in extremely tight trousers and women wearing sleeveless at work
• Fitness mania, running daily...anything below 5km and you are considered lame
• Men wanting to marry but women wanting to only fkk
• Women stopping to coochiecoo every single dog they see on the street
• Gay men leaving banking and entering fashion business and ramp walking (finally!!!)
• 2 indians passing each other but keeping a straight face as if he was a born firang and doesn't care about seeing someone from familiar land
• Pakistanis, Bangladeshis, Sri Lankans all trying to pass off as Indians...soon the freaking Chinese will try too... guhahaha
• Wine more than normal conventional alcohol
• Exchanging rings pre engagement and settling mark to market on gold price without actual settlement after break up
• No pushup bras for women
• Men wearing vests/tshirts under their shirts are branded as 'wife-beaters' after the extremely popular italians
• Women still struggling to stay in control on seeing a pole and not dancing, men still not able to that :)
• Being injured while playing a sport and having a bandage on your hand (masturbation is also included just for the people who are thinking that)
• Predicting that recession will be over in 2010
• Quintessentially hoping that you get a big bonus. Irrespective of what you get, on being asked, the answer is digital: zilch or 100k
• No more swearing on mother sister daughters...now it is the animal kingdom with suyar, kutta and absolutely latesht one being saanp ki poonch

Forgetting a few, no worries will update in a new post. Enjoy maadi.
MA

Interesting daaru days...

I have always wondered how many ppl do actually know abt wines...or alcohols they have/like...i can never forget this day which was absolutely hilarious and is made fun of till this day.

Long long time ago, there was (he still is) an African born, Indian arbitrage trader working for a French bank who specialised in pressing 2 keyboard keys = Shift + F9. So great was his ability at work that he could do it anywhere even with his eyes closed (just imagine!!!). Anyways not to stray from the main story, the trader and his lowly work team went on a dinner to a Moroccon (are those the right spellings?) sea food place in Hong Kong called "Dot Cod". He had always wondered the differences between white wine and red wine

The lowly team comprised solely of 2 nationalities: the mighty Indians and the even mightier French...merci bequeat (those are most certainly the right spellings...). No of Indians: 4 No of French: 4 The great Indians comprised of the following: Afro Indian trader, the legendary c++ specialist, the 80/120 magician and the lord of the kings aka ET

The hunky and the irrestible french comprised of: Gabbar Singh (main host), Amrish Puri, Prem Chopra (those were the hunky bit) and Aruna Irani (she is the irrestible part) As all work places thrive on, this one too was built on love, respect and mutual admiration between the Indians and the French. They took places opposite to each other at the Dot Cod.

C++ sitting opposite Gabbar...having already downed 2 Gelnfidich on the rocks...looking straight into his eyes...he achieved what no other chuha could have till his time in the banking industry. It was time to order the drinks. C++ looks at menu and decides to have wine that day. For no particular reason ofcourse but because that was the most expensive item on the menu and our very own dearest Gabru (wellll...that is what c++ used to call him pyar se ...) was sponsoring it.

In his deepest baritone voice, C++ orders "1 Pinot Grois blah blah 2002 Chile". Looks at me..."Saale, order this one...most expensive, let's rape them today man. He does it to me everyday!"

Afro-Indian trader: ?!!?! when...i thought you ppl used to go down to take coffee...

C++: "Hiloooo...muar li!" C++ is happy today despite 1 fkk up that he has already done in the evening (later...that will also be described but later)

Gabbar Singh: "I will have 1 glass of red wine, medium body, little crispy side, can you suggest something C++"

C++: ouchhhh...^&%$^ yahan bhi danda deke rakha hai...he points at something which is 1/5th his white wine price. C++ is starting to enjoying this...he sees hope that this will not end up his face being pinned down and like the classic Pulp Fiction scene :)

Gabbar Singh: "wat...no no no...this no good...looks at the waitress...orders 1 blah blah blah blah blah blah Australia 2001"...he scores...longer name...older wine...more pseuder accent...most importantly he got the more tote waitress...that really hurt C++...tum chak%$e ho...
Wine arrives...Gabbar starts swirling his glass...smells it...swirls it more...

C++: inspired...swirls his glass too...more the swirl, better the girl! well it is apparently believed in France...

Gabbar: swirl...swirl...

C++: getting angry now...swirl swirl...it is a competition now...he won't stop...looks at me...looks at rest of the table...he is sure now...it is a match on our hands...he can't let this side of the table down...swirl swirl...smells...swirl...smell...swirl..smell...swirl..swirling..swirling (this one has started sounding like Sholay's "massi jiiiii...u will be jail ki chakiii pisssiiing and pissinnngg)

French table is all smiles...Aruna Irani is jumping up and down...Gabru has a satisfied look on his face...

C++: ??? whispers into 80/120 magician's ears, why is he looking so satisfied...he hasn't taken me or you for a "coffee" yet!

Prem Chopra can't resist his habit of french talk...je jau woo hoo je gahuay chuso...pouted lips...

More smiles...ouchhhh everyone realises....dearest c++ had ordered white wine...!!!

This beat his previous fkk up of the same day when he announced that he drinks only glendfidich on the rocks...and anything else is lowly...he can instantly recognise rest of the shady stuff easily...acha guys order one for me...i will be back in a minute...phone ki ghanti ghuma ke aaya...
?!?!?! kya??? oooo that is his codeword for going to the washroom...c++ has some smoothness man...he can't just say in front of the guys ki i am going to the washroom...no no no...that's too lowly and shady u see...

Anyways...one bacardi coke...one mohito...and one glenfidich on the rocks...

Waitress: "ya rite! stay in ur limits...glenfidich!..we have JD..."

Ok fine...JD is fine...drinks come...btw c++ yet not back from his phone dialing...ah there he is...coming back...looking a bit tired...hmmm...i guess he was being honest abt "phone dialing"...
Sips...looks at us...where were we..yeah man...bacardi etc se upar uthoge ab...try whisky man...glenfidich...takes another sip...aahhhhhhhh....(another one!!! we all thought he just did that in the washroom..he has some frequency!)...gulps down rest of it...

Looks at us...guys this one on me...waitress...can you plz repeat the last order!

MA