This post, more than anything is a test of my grammar and of how well am I able to put my thoughts down coherently in a post, as that is a constant criticism from one of my rather anal readers!
So for long, I have thought about this topic, struggled with the consequences of this syndrome and have gradually wanted to change / grade off certain characteristics in my personality. Before I come to reasons for wanting to change and the consequences, I would like to tell the background of the problem.
I don't know when it all started but somehow I have been put in a very definitive personality type box by all my friends, family (excluding mother) and my wife (yes family is different than wife - separate post on that). They all think I am this very bubbly guy, happy, comic, always cracking jokes type, slightly sarcastic and one who doesn't take things to heart kinds. I have no fucking clue why they think that because out of all the above, the only thing that mildly resonates with reality is that I am sarcastic, not mildly but full blown 100% asshole certified sarcastic. Rest is a lie. May be back in college days, when i wanted to be popular among girls, i might have invented a few stories or cracked some jokes (after all most women in their "top 5 qualities they look in a guy" start with "sense of humour"...hahaha...what bullshit) but other than that, i don't remember when have i shown bubbliness or happiness or whatever. If anything, my mother thinks i am a fucking psycho and need professional help.
Now the consequences are extremely tiresome, frustrating and making me go deeper into this problem. Every time I meet my friends, they expect me to be happy, no matter what shit my life is going through, no matter how my mood is, no matter anything. It is the same expectation - "mayura...kuch sunao...we luv your jokes" and I always think in my mind - "abey kyu...main koi kapil sharma hoon?! i am sad, seriously just let me have a drink, smoke up and stay sad...i want to stay depressed...plz". There is barely a time when I am in a social gathering and I can have a quiet drink, eat my food, just soak up the entertainment (if any!) for a change.
But the bigger problem has just hit me, now no one needs to tell me to crack jokes or tell stories or prompt me to be happy. Then you would wonder, where is the problem? The problem is that now I have gone on an auto pilot where my trigger reaction on seeing anyone is to light up, tell a story and be entertaining - but somewhere that is not me. Somewhere I am ignoring the bigger issues in my life , it is bringing a certain casualness in my approach to life and that is leading me slowly down a road which has LOSER written all over it. I am so engrossed all the time in my head inventing new jokes, stories to entertain people, family, wife that I have forgotten that entertainment is a secondary aspect of life. I am not SRK or Tom Cruise that i need to entertain people...I need to fix my life and let everything else go to hell.
The responsibility of my perceived personality is weighing me down and I am getting increasingly worried about the consequences that are staring me in my face.
Funny or rather worrying shit of the day-
http://www.newindianexpress.com/nation/Woman-Accuses-Man-of-Raping-Her-on-Pretext-of-Marriage/2014/06/07/article2268206.ece
There is something wrong about this statement. I found it funny and then worrying. In case you are getting curious about what's new in the statement, I am NOT on the girl's side here. Figure it out.
And this does bring me to a topic on which I have wanted to write for a very long time - section 304A and 498B of the Indian penal code or the Dowry Law! More later on that.
MA
But the bigger problem has just hit me, now no one needs to tell me to crack jokes or tell stories or prompt me to be happy. Then you would wonder, where is the problem? The problem is that now I have gone on an auto pilot where my trigger reaction on seeing anyone is to light up, tell a story and be entertaining - but somewhere that is not me. Somewhere I am ignoring the bigger issues in my life , it is bringing a certain casualness in my approach to life and that is leading me slowly down a road which has LOSER written all over it. I am so engrossed all the time in my head inventing new jokes, stories to entertain people, family, wife that I have forgotten that entertainment is a secondary aspect of life. I am not SRK or Tom Cruise that i need to entertain people...I need to fix my life and let everything else go to hell.
The responsibility of my perceived personality is weighing me down and I am getting increasingly worried about the consequences that are staring me in my face.
Funny or rather worrying shit of the day-
http://www.newindianexpress.com/nation/Woman-Accuses-Man-of-Raping-Her-on-Pretext-of-Marriage/2014/06/07/article2268206.ece
There is something wrong about this statement. I found it funny and then worrying. In case you are getting curious about what's new in the statement, I am NOT on the girl's side here. Figure it out.
And this does bring me to a topic on which I have wanted to write for a very long time - section 304A and 498B of the Indian penal code or the Dowry Law! More later on that.
MA
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